Life gets crazy...how's my heart?

Wow! I am a three ring circus! I desperately want my heart to be like a gentle stream amidst this circus...calm, joyful, steady but it isn't always. I want to be Christ centered, abounding with His qualities, teaching His truths to my kids and most importantly modeling his qualities for them to see played out in real life but it isn't always. I want to be the best wife for Brad but I'm not always. I am sinful and ugly sometimes! So...why the division in my heart?! These verses encouraged me..

For we know that the Law is spiritual, but I am of flesh, sold into bondage to sin. For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate. But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good. So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. (Romans 7:14-20 NASB)

So...I need More of Christ in me to replace this sinful nature of mine! He gives me grace and the striving "to be..."ceases! Why does he often take a backseat? Busyness in my heart, chasing after other love's...clean house, great kids, be great wife etc...like i can somehow WILL myself to be those things?!?! want the daily walk that makes Him my first love and for my heart and actions to follow suit. For my priorities to be His priorities. See and feel what truly matters so I can let go of the things that don't. Then instead of striving to be those things that I really need to be I will be because of Him and not by my efforts. And...the striving circus ends! :)

The Spirit of the LORD will rest on Him,
The spirit of wisdom and understanding,
The spirit of counsel and strength,
The spirit of knowledge and the fear of the LORD. (Isaiah 11:2 NASB)